Wednesday, 5 September 2007

Putting the "Profit" in Profiteroles

Several months ago when visiting one of the L'Amour triplets down Croydon way, I came across a recipe for profiteroles. (I LOVE those darling L'Amours - more about them in later posts) I decided to use it along with strong doses of semi-sweet chocolate and vodka. Have I invented the first chocolate martini profiterole? Perhaps not, but one thing I AM sure of - I HAVE invented the ultimate way to get blood from a stone - or in my case - attention from the book club.
Any attention, any small splash in the local rag is positive attention. Certainly, that's what my former publicist would tell you. So it's really NOT THAT BIG A DEAL that I momentarily forgot that adding alcohol into a pan over direct heat is NOT recommended when someone you are trying to impress is standing right over it. (Really, I did not know hair could ignite so quickly)
Fortunately my "favour" idea was already a success - and those darling, bespectacled, braided (until dessert), broom handle skirted ladies were enthusiastic about the new novel - which, unbeknownst to them will be largely written by .....them! But I digress.....
I am not known for things domestic, financial or sadly - even literary. However I do have a streak of well oiled paranoia so one thing I am never without is a fire extinguisher. As it happens, it was faulty - but fortunately the mobile was being charged right next to it so I was able to dial for emergency help quickly. Help did arrive some 10 minutes later in the form of several burly medics and a freelance reporter at which point the President of the Book Club was well soused with Pelligrino and orange squash anyway - still she feigned a dizzy spell for some male attention and somehow that was translated next day into "Novelist Stages Failed Comeback Attempt in Book Cub Fiasco"
Oh please.
It really was NOT that big a deal and her hair will grow back eventually. I'm really sorry about that other thing but that's why these things are called "accidents" Certainly permanent scarring was not my intention.
Still - publicity!!! I'm back in the press and I intend to make the most of it!

Tuesday, 4 September 2007

Don't forget what you think........

At some point between the 2nd and 3rd cocktail Saturday afternoon, I had an epiphany. Here was a concept that would completely change my life - not quite returning to the old glory days, but moving ahead in a manner most appropriate to my own circumstances. As earthshattering a revelation as it was, I did manage to lose it somewhere between the kitchen and the trash bin. Once again, true greatness slips my grasp - Never mind. I think I'll aim for something less cerebral and throw a party.
Perhaps members of my book club would enjoy a little soiree featuring teasers from my next book (note to self: write something) I could write little excerpts and use them as party favours instead of silly hats and coated chocolates. That way I could save all the coated chocolates for myself. (and the silly hats for the cat's next sitting with Desmond, the photog.)
Further, if I write the excerpts and make a game out of putting them together, they may actually write the book for me, and I could just nod and say the appropriate "Well done!" "Excellent!" "How clever of you to know!" - meanwhile, I'll make sure to hide the recorder under the chaise lounge. You know, I think this concept may have merit to it - even more so than that famous American author (she who shall not be named) (but you know the one - all the books are on computer, then she does a name change on all the main characters, change of occupation and voila! a new book! - ingenious really)
I shall serve lunch! Yes indeed, a book-ish lunch would be ideal. Must get to work on the menu immediately.

Friday, 31 August 2007

Never eat anything bigger than your head......

Standing in front of the fridge this morning, I was overcome with a feeling of deja vu - I was SURE I had been here recently, just like this, nightgown all lopsided and falling off my shoulder, hair miserably askew and sticking out in all the wrong places - except - and here's the difference - last time I was looking at full shelves of puddings and jellies and even some cake from marks and sparks - but NOOOOOOOOO - now all there was before me were empty metal shelves and the distinct smell of old spilled milk.
Curiously, the waste can was full of wrappers and I detected a slight bulge to my stomach. I closed the door and surveyed the countertops. Crumbs, used utensils, empty cups. What's all this then? Had I a visitor last night? A party more likely - ! Who ate all this food and why wasn't I invited? I DO live alone, and if someone had decided to throw an impromptu party at my house, you WOULD think they would have had the courtesy to invite me!
Sudden nausea overtook my indignation and I headed to the toilet. The telltale Ambien headache started to invade my cranium just at the moment when I discovered where all that food had disappeared to.
I MUST stop with the Bedfordshire cocktails (Ambien + Mojito - although any cocktail will do in a pinch!